How to Set Boundaries in Life and Business
Have you ever heard the saying, "If you give them an inch, they will take a mile"? That inch that they’re talking about… its boundaries. In business, in life, in everything, you need to set boundaries.
If you don’t set boundaries, you’ll end up getting caught in a vicious cycle of giving more and more of yourself for less and less. Before you know it, you’ll hit a wall and spiral out of control into burnout land. I know this because it’s happened to me. And the only way I got past that wall was to set boundaries in my life and in my business.
Keep reading for 5 tips on how to set boundaries so you can be more assertive so you can have the time and energy to do things that bring you joy.
What are boundaries?
Boundaries create a physical, psychological, and emotional barrier between you and other people. Boundaries show people how you expect to be treated and tell them what behavior is or isn’t acceptable.
Boundaries are essential in ALL your relationships - with your kids, partners, friends, customers, your boss, etc. You know your boundaries need adjusting when you feel like you can’t say no. Or you’re concerned about what others think to the point of discounting your own thoughts and opinions. Or you have difficulty asking for what you want and need. Or your energy is so drained that you neglect your own needs.
In order to really value yourself enough to ask for what you need, be treated with respect, and be allowed to have your feelings and ideas, you need to set boundaries. Here are 5 tips to help you do that:
Number 1 - Be clear about what you want.
I know as a woman, sometimes we’re concerned about being nice. And in an effort to be kind, what you’re asking can come off as wishy-washy. Instead of saying: I’m sorry, can you ...um...please pay your invoice on time? What you should say is: Prompt payment of your invoice is greatly appreciated.
Number 2 - Use a neutral tone, be direct and don’t apologize for your needs.
Why am I sorry that you owe me money? Ask for what you want or need and don’t apologize for it. Get as specific as possible so it makes it easier for the other person to understand what you're asking for and leave no room for misinterpretation. I said what I said.
Number 3 - Expect resistance
But don’t let it deter you. If you are specific in setting a boundary and people respond poorly, it's because they were benefiting from your lack of boundaries and don’t want you to change.
The very fact that they are resisting is confirmation that you need the boundaries. I know for me personally, in the past, I didn’t set boundaries because I don’t like conflict.
I didn’t want to upset or anger people so I sacrificed my own wants and needs to keep the peace. But doing that made me absolutely miserable.
Number 4 - Boundaries are for your own wellbeing, not to control other people.
If you’re using boundaries to force other people to do what you want, you’re doing it wrong. Use boundaries to do what’s right for you and your needs.
Number 5 - Remember that setting boundaries is an ongoing process.
This isn’t necessarily a ‘set it and forget it” thing. Sometimes, you may need to set a boundary repeatedly with the same person. As your needs change, so will your boundaries so don't be afraid to reset them to suit the circumstances.
By setting clear boundaries, you will be protected from being mistreated or taken advantage of.
If you find yourself in a moment where you are feeling scared to set a boundary, just use this mantra:
I matter
My feelings matter
My ideas matter
My health matters
My dreams matter
My needs matter
I matter.